starting over with a meme

When I left off, almost a year ago, I was ending something and starting anew. And it's all new. I'm doing exactly what I set out to do: working from home, being a mom, still doing the work I love. Still working with L, though we're each exploring other creative sides in order to bring freshness to our work.

I have new people in my life that I know love me (and aren't afraid to tell me everything). People that make me think about myself in new ways. I've broadened my identity, if only just a little (though at times I wonder if the opposite isn't true, but I refuse to become the cliche mom who doesn't know who she is). I'm getting back in touch with my sense of generosity, compassion, groundedness.

Are things perfect? Of course not. My God, did anyone ever tell you just how physical all-day parenting is? Not just the nursing and the fatigue. When you're with your child all day picking her up, putting her down, chasing her, holding her, getting whacked in the face with her smelly feet, you realize you've only used your brain for 15 years and let the rest go to pot. But I'm loving the texture of this life, the way it wears out my body and my mind and forces me to confront all that I believe about myself. Every day.

That last post is dated 9/28/05. I said I'd decided I wanted to try for another baby in March. I didn't know it then, but I was already pregnant. I should have known. I had signs, included my child outright telling me I had a baby in my tummy. Our second baby girl was born in a beautiful waterbirth at the end of May.

And there's so much more to tell, but that will come in pieces. Right now, for once, I'm focusing on the here and now.

And with that, a meme courtesy of CityMama.

Five Things In My Freezer
1. Trader Joe's Beef Tamales
2. 4 boxes of buckwheat frozen waffles.
3. 3 boxes of flax frozen waffles, which have a box that looks maddenly like the buckwheat kind.
4. A bottle of Skyy Vodka.
5. 2 oz. of breast milk.

Five Things In My Closet
1. Bags of maternity clothes that I need to give back to friends.
2. My cheap Dockers cropped pants and random label shirts that I only bought because I'm postpartum and I really really hope I won't need them next summer
3. My wedding veil, in a hat box
4. Yarn I need to sell on Craig's List because we all know I will never, never crochet anything
5. A bathtub spa mat thingy that I've used exactly once even though I loved loved loved it. Must do that again soon.

Five Things In My Car
1. This clock that I need to take back to New Seasons because it doesn't keep time. Hope they have another in orange because it goes perfectly with our new kitchen.
2. Random plastic toys that Clara's nanny buys for her that she's already forgotten about
3. Two car seats. Yes, two. Still getting used to that.
4. Jumper cables
5. Trail mix

Five Things In My Diaper Bag (Purse)
1. Extra cloth diapers and covers
2. Rice bar wrappers
3. Cell phone
4. Lipgloss
5. Notes from Iris's birth that my midwives copied for me today in our last appointment. *sniff*

Five Books On My Nightstand [so glad I'm not the only one that has too many books on my nightstand]
1. Mothers Who Think
2. WonderTime Excellent mag
3. Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Peggy Simkin. MUST HAVE for all pregnant mamas.
4. Last month's O Magazine. First one I'd ever read--it's much better than I thought it would be.
5. Living Without